Managing Tantrums

Tantrums are intense bursts of frustration that erupt when a child’s emotions exceed their coping skills. They’re common in toddlers but can persist into school age if self-regulation hasn’t caught up.

Why they happen

• Overload: hunger, fatigue, sensory overwhelm
  
• Skill gap: child lacks words or strategies to express needs
  
• Anxiety trigger: fear of separation, mistakes, or unexpected change
  

First-aid steps for parents

• Stay alongside. Kneel to eye level, keep voice low: “You’re safe; I’m here.”
  
• Name the feeling. “Your body feels angry and stuck.”
  
• Offer a simple choice. “Hug or squeeze the pillow?” Choices restore a sense of control.
  
• Regulate before reason. Problem-solving waits until the storm passes. These skills are practised in our Emotionally Healthy Parenting group.
  
• More tailored coaching is available through one-on-one parent sessions and the Strong-Willed Children program.
  

Building long-term skills

• Predictable routines lower surprises that spark meltdowns.
  
• Emotion naming games teach vocabulary—covered in Parenting for Emotional Health.
  
• Calm-down corners let kids practise breathing or squeezing putty when calm, so they can access the spot when upset.
  
• Repair after rupture. A brief apology or cuddle shows conflicts can end well—key for attachment security.
  
• When tantrums persist past preschool or include aggression, consider individual therapy for skills practice—especially for children 8-10 who still struggle.
  

Related reading: Self-Regulation · Emotional & Behavioural Regulation · Anxiety in Children

Clinicians who help with tantrums

• Dr. Zia Lakdawalla – Early intervention, CBT, DBT
  
• Ola Obaro – Circle of Security and emotion coaching
  
• Dr. Tamara Meixner – Attachment-focused CBT for behaviour challenges
  
• Jaydon Frid – Family-systems DBT for emotion dysregulation
  

FAQs — Tantrum Management

1. Are tantrums normal after age five?

Occasional outbursts are normal; frequent, intense tantrums may signal lagging regulation skills or anxiety.

2. Should I ignore or comfort?

Ignore unsafe behaviour (kicking), but stay present and calm—co-regulation first, teaching later.

3. Do time-outs work?

For some kids, brief breaks help; others need time-ins (staying close). Approach is individualised in parent coaching.

4. My child hits during tantrums—what now?

Ensure safety, then practise alternative outlets (pillow punches). Therapy can target impulse control.

5. Can anxiety cause tantrums?

Yes—fear can look like anger. If worry patterns are present, see our Children with Anxiety program.