Circle of Security

A relationship-based parenting program that helps caregivers read children’s emotional needs, support secure attachment, and balance comfort with exploration. Instead of rule sheets, it offers a simple visual “circle” showing when to let kids venture out and when to be the safe harbour.

Key ideas

• Children need both a secure base (freedom to explore) and a safe haven (welcome back for comfort).
  
• “Bigger, stronger, wiser, kind” anchors caregiver responses—firm enough to protect, warm enough to connect.
  
• Misbehaviour often signals an unmet attachment need; meeting the need first makes limit-setting easier.
  

Why it works

• Boosts children’s self-regulation, confidence, and empathy.
  
• Lowers parent guilt and reactivity by shifting the lens from “defiant” to “distressed.”
  
• Backed by decades of attachment research; results show calmer households and improved parent-child bonds.
  

What sessions look like

• 8–10 weekly small-group or 1-to-1 meetings.
  
• Video clips illustrate common caregiving struggles; reflections tailor the model to your family.
  
• Practical home tasks build new habits—celebrated, not graded.
  
• Offered through Parent Coaching or our Emotionally Healthy Parenting group; can pair with child individual therapy or SPACE treatment when anxiety fuels clinginess.
  

Try Circle of Security if…

• Your child clings, melts down at separations, or seems endlessly “bossy.”
  
• You flip-flop between permissive and strict and want a steadier middle path.
  
• Past trauma or stress makes it hard to stay calm when big feelings hit.
  

Clinicians trained in Circle of Security

• Ola Obaro – gentle, attachment-rich coaching for kids and teens
  
• Jaydon Frid – family-systems lens plus DBT skills
  
• Dr. Zia Lakdawalla – integrates COS with CBT/DBT for anxious or strong-willed children
  
• Charlotte Johnston – DBT/ACT and neurodivergent-affirming approach
  
• Cassandra Harmsen – emotion-focused family work for younger kids
  

FAQs — Circle of Security

Do children attend?

No—parents learn the framework, then apply it at home.

What age is it for?

Birth through early adolescence; examples are tailored to your child’s stage.

Will this make me too “soft”?

COS pairs nurturing with clear boundaries: “bigger, stronger, and kind.”

Can I do COS alongside behaviour plans?

Yes; attachment security strengthens the impact of any skills program.

How soon will I notice change?

Many parents report calmer interactions within 2–3 weeks of consistent practice.