Understanding Entitlement
Entitlement is the feeling of wanting something so much and the inability to regulate that wish. Haven’t you ever had feelings of jealousy, envy, disappointment, frustration, or fears of missing out? I sure have! However as an adult with lots of practice handling these emotions, delaying gratification, and accepting that some things can’t happen I have learned to regulate the urges associated with these uncomfortable feelings. When kids haven’t enough of this practice it can drive them to demand more than is reasonable or appropriate, leading to conflicts and strained relationships.
At times, parents may be contributing to an environment in which kids are feeling entitled. Boundaries, clarity on rules, and consistency in your parenting approach is critical to having your child practice handling uncomfortable feelings, and knowing they can be ok. The environment, meaning how parents set up the boundaries and rules, has to provide something for a child to adapt to. When parents are overindulgent with children, they are failing to provide valuable moments where regulation is built.
The Role of Emotional Regulation
One of the keys to addressing entitlement is helping children develop strong emotional regulation skills. When kids can effectively manage and express their difficult emotions, they’re less likely to resort to entitled behavior as a means of coping. In essence they are learning to sit with the discomfort in their bodies, know what they are feeling, and build confidence in themselves that they can handle these feelings. This practice involves teaching them to identify and name their feelings, practice healthy self-soothing techniques, and communicate their needs assertively rather than demandingly.
Validating your child’s underlying emotions is crucial in this process. When we acknowledge their feelings without necessarily condoning the entitled behavior, we send the message that their experiences matter while still maintaining clear boundaries. Statements like “I can see you’re really disappointed about not getting that toy” or “It’s understandable to feel left out when your friends are doing something fun without you” show empathy while avoiding reinforcement of entitled reactions.
Developing Frustration Tolerance
Closely tied to emotional regulation is the concept of frustration tolerance. Children with low frustration tolerance may quickly resort to entitled behavior when they don’t get their way, as they struggle to cope with the discomfort of unmet desires. By gradually exposing them to manageable frustrations and supporting them through the process, we can help build their resilience and ability to handle life’s inevitabilities.
This might involve letting them experience the natural consequences of minor missteps, like forgetting their lunch at home and having to problem-solve at school. It could also mean setting clear limits and sticking to them, even in the face of pushback. Consistency in addressing entitled behavior is key, as it helps children internalize the message that the world doesn’t revolve around their whims and desires.
Teaching Gratitude
Gratitude is often seen as the antidote to entitlement, and for good reason. When children regularly practice appreciating what they have, they’re less likely to feel resentful or demanding about what they lack. Bu how? This is where actions matter more than words. Incorporating actions related to gratitude into your family’s daily life can be as simple as sharing highlights of your day around the dinner table or keeping a gratitude journal together.
As parents, we play a vital role in shaping our children’s attitudes and behaviors around entitlement. One of the most impactful things we can do is model the very qualities we wish to see in them. When we express gratitude, accept “no” gracefully, and respond to disappointment with composure, we set a powerful example for our kids to follow.
Asking gratitude-promoting questions is another powerful tool. Inquiries like “What’s something kind someone did for you today?” or “What’s a challenge you faced that you’re grateful for?” encourage children to reframe their experiences through a lens of appreciation. This shift in perspective is critical for developing emotional resilience and combating entitled thinking patterns.
The work of addressing entitlement in children is not always easy, but the long-term benefits are well worth the effort. Kids who learn to manage and understand what their emotions are telling them, tolerate frustration, resist unhelpful urges, and practice gratitude are better equipped to form healthy social relationships, bounce back from setbacks, and develop a strong sense of self-reliance.
These skills serve them well not only in childhood but throughout their lives. By empowering our children with the tools to navigate challenges confidently and successfully, we set them up for a future filled with resilience, joy, and fulfillment.
Conclusion
Remember, progress may be slow at times, and setbacks are a normal part of the journey. Stay the course, celebrate the small victories, and trust that your efforts are planting seeds that will bear fruit for years to come. Parenting is a marathon, not a race. With your guidance and support, your child can learn to embrace life’s challenges with confidence, compassion, and a deep appreciation for all they have.
Key Recommendations
– Validate Underlying Emotions: Acknowledge your child’s feelings without condoning entitled behavior.
– Strengthen Your Boundary-Setting: Consistently enforce limits to increase your child’s frustration tolerance.
– Ask Gratitude-Promoting Questions: Regularly engage your child in discussions that foster appreciation and perspective-taking.
– Model Non-Entitled Behavior: Demonstrate gratitude, acceptance of ‘no’, and appropriate responses to disappointment in your own life.
