As a psychologist and a parent, I have seen firsthand the power of facing fears and doing hard things in building confidence and long term resilience. While this is a critical life skill that helps us navigate the challenges and uncertainties we encounter throughout our lives, it can be hard to do. When we avoid our fears, we may feel temporary relief, but in the long run, avoidance only serves to maintain and even intensify our anxiety.
Anxiety is a natural human emotion that alerts us to potential threats or dangers. However, when anxiety becomes excessive or persistent, it can interfere with our daily lives and lead us to want to avoid various triggers to our anxiety. Children who struggle with anxiety often fall into a cycle of avoidance, where they seek to escape or prevent situations that trigger their fears. If we allow this avoidance, we are missing important oppotunities to teach our kids they can handle their anxiety and that it is not dangerous. This cycle can be challenging to break, as the temporary relief from avoiding the feared situation reinforces the avoidance behavior, making it more likely to occur in the future. In addition parent often find it challenging to push their children when they see the anxiety set in- making the cycle even more challenging to break.
The Power of Exposure Therapy
One of the most effective ways to overcome anxiety is through exposure therapy, a key component of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Exposure therapy involves gradually and systematically confronting the feared situation or object in a safe and controlled environment. By repeatedly facing their fears, individuals learn that the feared outcome is unlikely to occur or that they can cope with the anxiety and discomfort that arises.Research suggests that the exposure component of CBT is directly related to improvements in anxiety. While it’s important for kids to TALK about their anxiety and feel supported, it’s more important that they actually DO something about. Simply talking about fears is not enough to overcome them. While discussing anxieties can provide insight and validation, it is the act of facing fears through exposure that leads to lasting change. In our exposure-based group therapy program for children, we emphasize the importance of taking action and engaging in challenging activities to build resilience and conquer fears.
Tips for Parents: Supporting Your Child in Facing Fears
As a parent, you play a crucial role in helping your child develop the skills and confidence needed to face their fears. Here are some tips to keep in mind:
1) Validate Your Child’s Anxiety
It’s essential to acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings of anxiety. Let them know that it’s normal to feel scared or worried sometimes and that you understand how they feel. This validation helps your child feel heard and supported, creating a safe space for them to express their emotions. There is a genetic component of anxiety- it’s not their fault, they were born this way.
2) Limit Opportunities for Avoidance
While it’s natural to want to protect your child from discomfort, allowing them to avoid feared situations will only maintain their anxiety in the long run. Instead, work with your child to identify small, manageable steps they can take to face their fears gradually. Celebrate each step forward and encourage them to keep pushing themselves outside their comfort zone. If you are having difficulty getting their buy in, this would be a good time to seek professional help. There is still a lot you can do as a parent to support your child.
3) Develop a Family Motto
Create a family motto that emphasizes the importance of facing challenges and doing hard things. A simple phrase like “We can do hard things” can serve as a powerful reminder that your family is capable of overcoming obstacles and growing from difficult experiences. Notice when your children are acting consistent with the motto, and lead by example. They are watching everything you do, so showing your child that you, too, are willing to face your fears.
Facing fears and doing hard things offers numerous benefits for both children and adults. By gradually exposing ourselves to our anxieties, we build self-confidence and resilience. By actually doing the hard things, our brain learns that we are capable of handling challenging situations and that the worst-case scenarios we imagine rarely come to pass. This process of facing fears also helps to restructure our thinking, as we gather evidence that contradicts our anxious thoughts and beliefs.
A Final Thought
The world our children are growing up in emphasizes comfort and instant gratification. It’s more important than ever to help our children become more comfortable with the uncomfortable. By embracing challenges and stepping outside our comfort zones, we are helping our children to maximize their potential, build confidence, and thrive. It’s important to remember that facing fears is not about eliminating anxiety altogether, but rather about learning to cope with it effectively and not letting it hold us back from pursuing our goals and dreams.
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