Emotional Setbacks

Progress with feelings is rarely a straight line—kids and teens often take two steps forward, one step back. An emotional setback is a temporary return of big worries, sadness, or explosive behaviour after things had been smoother. It can feel discouraging, yet setbacks are a normal part of growing resilience.

Why they happen

• Extra stress: tests, friend drama, illness, or a move overload coping capacity.
  
• Skill-practice gap: new strategies haven’t been used enough to become habits.
  
• Developmental leaps: puberty and brain growth shake up mood regulation.
  
• Fatigue or sensory overload: tired bodies have fewer resources to stay calm.
  

Responding in the moment

1. Normalize the dip. “Hard days happen—we can use our tools again.”
   
2. Return to basics: sleep, food, movement, and co-regulation breaths.
   
3. Shrink the step. Break tasks into bite-size wins, a technique from our child CBT-based individual therapy.
   
4. Review the plan together. Revisit coping cards or a feelings thermometer practised in parent coaching.
   
5. Celebrate rebounds. Notice when mood lifts: “You kept going even after a wobble.” Positive spotting wires hope.
   

When to add support

• Setbacks occur weekly for a month.
  
• School avoidance, aggression, or deep sadness resurfaces.
  
• Parents feel stuck cycling through the same accommodations.
  

Options at FFEW:

• Individual therapy for fine-tuning coping skills.
  
• Parent-only help in one-on-one coaching or the Emotionally Healthy Parenting group.
  
• Peer practice in Parenting Children with Anxiety or our kid skills group Coping With Anxiety Kids.
  
• SPACE training to reset helpful limits if anxiety-driven setbacks dominate.
  

Related reading: Anxiety in Children & Teens · Emotional & Behavioural Regulation · Depression in Adolescence

Clinicians who guide recovery from setbacks

• Dr. Zia Lakdawalla – CBT/DBT + parent coaching
  
• Dr. Lana Zinck – SPACE & collaborative solutions
  
• Dr. Tamara Meixner – attachment-focused CBT/DBT
  
• Cassandra Harmsen – ACT & ERP blend
  
• Ola Obaro – Circle of Security, grief, school refusal
  
• Charlotte Johnston – neurodivergent-affirming DBT
  
• Jaydon Frid – family-systems CBT/DBT
  

Quick FAQs

1. Does a setback erase progress?

No—skills learned are still there. Think of it as muscle fatigue, not muscle loss.

2. Should we start therapy again after a slip?

If home strategies aren’t lifting mood within a few weeks, a short booster of therapy or parent coaching can help.

3. Do consequences work during a setback?

Gentle structure helps, but co-regulation first; teaching sticks better once calm.

4. How can I tell if it’s a normal dip or a bigger issue?

Flags include daily sadness, self-criticism, or risk behaviours—book an assessment through individual therapy if unsure.

5. Can setbacks be prevented?

Not entirely, but regular practice of coping tools, predictable routines, and quick support reduce their depth and length.